Loss and Grieving
"We don't know the right thing to do or say... turning away from reminders of death... isolating loved ones who need our presence",
Ira Byock, MD, Author of Dying Well

When a friend is going through the process of losing a loved one, listening is as important as asking questions. When a person is grieving, others are often unsure of the "right" thing to say or do, and end up doing nothing. The following tips are designed to help you help a grieving person.

• Acknowledge anger, grief and loss. Grief is natural and necessary Do not ignore the person's emotions. Allow your friend to express anger and sadness


• Recognize different cultural and religious perspectives about illness and death that may be different from your own. For example, if a family has decided to remove a loved one from life support, do not second guess this decision, try to be supportive.


• Offer help with chores such as meals or child care. Be specific, "I'll bring dinner on Thursday, how many people will be there?'


• Identify friends that are willing to help with specific tasks on a regular basis such as picking up the kids from school or renewing prescriptions


• Acknowledge that at some point the person will like life to be "normal" again. Help the person to renew interest in past activities and hobbies. Make suggestions such a "let's go to the museum on Saturday to sae the new exhibit."
  

• Look into alternative workplace solutions such as co-workers donating leave or offering shared leave for someone with a very ill family member.


• Understand that your co-worker or employee is likely to be distracted or preoccupied and may need to make more personal calls or take longer breaks.
  Give your employee "permission" to take care of themselves "I know you are going through a difficult time. If you need to leave the office for a while today or you want to work from home, let me know so that I can make the necessary arrangements"


• Ask if your co-worker wants to discuss the subject. If not, be sympathetic while allowing the person to concentrate on his or her job.
  Ask human resources managers for information or referrals to counselors or other resources. If your company offers Employee Assistance Programs; let your co-worker or employee know that services are available.

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